Naukar aur Punjabi Maalkin

Yeh kahani ek naukar ki zubaani hai.
Mera naam Dharma hai. Meri umar 18 saal hai. Bachpun se mere maa (plz dont use abusive word) ka koi ataa-pata nahin, isliye main sadkon footpathon par hi palaa – bada hua. Kabhi akhbaar bechkar roti khataa toh kabhi gadiyaan saaf kar ke. Ek saal pehle main ek agency mein aa gaya jo logon ko servants dilaati thee. Main shakl se bhola bhala dikhta hoon aur boltaa bhi bahut kam hoon, zyadatar chup hi rehta hoon.
Main-ne kuch din agency mein hi peon ka kaam kiya. Unhone mujhe khanaa banana aur jhaadoo pochaa lagaana bhi sikhaaya jis-se ki main ek sampoorna naukar ban paaoun.
2 mahine pehle ki baat hai jab main ek ghar mein naukar laga. Veh punjabi theh, maalik sardaar aur maalkin punjaaban thee. Maalik ka naam Jaspaal Singh aur maalkin ka Jaspreet.
Maalik ki umar lagbhag 40 aur maalkin ki 33 hai. Unki ek beti hai jo foreign mein pad rahi hai. Maalik kisi company ka manager hai aur aksar tour pe rehtaa hai.
Maalkin ek typical punjaban hain. Baat punjabi mein hi karti hain. Height 5.8’’, jaise ki typical punjaabano ki hoti hai, thodi moti, pet bahut halka sa bahar nikal raha hai, ch**tad bade aur bhare bhar hain, mamme (choochee) bhi bade aur bhare bhare hain, kamar hogi lagbhag 35 inch, rang kafi gora, hnoth normal se thode bade jo ki laal lipistic mein sahraab ki botal lagte hain. Kehne ka matlab hain ki maalkin ka shareer aam auraton se zyada bada hai, itni moti nahin hain, bus shareer ka size bada hai.
Meri hieght 5.6? hai, rang kafi saavlaa hai, maalikin ke rang ke aage toh mera rang kala hi kehlaya jaayega. Meri shakl bholi hai, sir ke baal bahut kum karvaa rakhe hain, ek tarah se main ganja hi hoon, isliye bachchaa lagta hoon. Lekin meri thodi thodi muscles bhi hain.
Mujhe zyada punjabi bhaasha nahin aati thee lekin lekin maalkin ki punjabi sunte sunte ab main bhi thodi kachi pakki punjabi bolne laga hoon. Maalkin toh hamesha punjabi bolti hain.
Main raat ko kitchen mein sota hoon. Ghar waalon ko mujh par bharosa hai.
Roz subeh uth kar main sabse pehle maalik-maalkin ke liye bed-tea banata hoon.
Yeh un dino ki baat hai jab maalik tour pe gaye hue theh. Subeh hui toh main-ne maalkin ke liye bed-tea banaaee aur unke kamre mein gaya. Maalkin ko main awaaz de kar uthataa tha, kamre mein jaakar main bola
Main : beejee, chaa (tea) rakhi eh..
Maalkin : leh aaya chaa, dharam ki time hoya eh ?
Beejee di aankhein band see
Main : beejee 7 vajeh eh..
Beejee din ich (mein) teh salwaar kameez paandee (pehentee) ehn teh raat noo sondee/sotee bhi salwaar kameez ich hi eh.par raat wala salwaar kameez bahut patleh kapde ka hota hai isliye thoda sa transparent hai jis mein se unki kaalee bra kuch kuch dikhaayee deti hai. din ich beejee salwaar kameez de naal dupatta ya chunni nahin paandee. una de salwaar kameez bade rang birange honde eh. vaise mera dimaag unke shareer par kabhi nahin gaya tha lekin ek subeh…….
main chaaye leke beejee ke kamre mein gaya toh main-ne dekha ki beejee pet ke bal so rahee thee aur unki kameez unke ch**tad se bhi oopar unki kamar tak chadee hui thee. unki salwaar unke ch**tadon ke beech mein ghusee hui thee. yeh dekh kar mujhe apnee shu shu mein pehlee baar kuch feel hua. unki salwaar bhi thodi transparent thee isliye halka halka una da underwear bhi dikh raha see. mein pehlee vaar una de ch**tadon da actual size dekh raha see. una de ch**tad zyaada moteh teh nahin par bade kafi see. MERA DIL KIYA KI MAIN UNA DI SALWAAR UNA DI CH**TADON DE BEECH MEIN SE NIKAAL DOON……. lekin..kya karoon…. aisa kar nahin sakta tha…main una di ch**tadon ich phassi hui salwaar ich inaa kho gaya ki main-nu pata hi nahin chala kab beejee thoda mudi aur boleen
beejee : dharam, kithe koya hua eh, chaa rakhega vi ya issi tarah khadaa rahegaa
beejee di awaaz mein thoda gussa tha….meri nazar beejee de ch**tadon teh see….beejee ne apni salwaar noo dekha toh payaa ki vo ch**tadon se oopar chadee hui see………. teh unke naukar ki nazar unke ch**tron ke beech phassin hui salwaar par thee…
beejee ne foran ek haath se apni hips mein phaasin hui salwaar ko pakad kar bahar kiya aur oopar chadee hui kameez neeche kari….unka apni salwaar ko apnee hips mein se nikaalna mujhe bahut achchaa laga
beejee : dharam, main keya chaa rakh de
main : jee beejee…….aaj tussi thodi der naal uthe ho
beejee : nahin, main teh sahi time teh uth gayee…….tu hi chaa leke kinhee khayaalon ich koya see..
main : nahin beejee….main soch reya see twaanu neend taa jagaavan ki nahin
beejee : zyaada galaan na banaa……..chaa rakh de aur jaa
beejee ko pata chal gaya tha ki mera dhyaan kahan tha……isliye unhe thoda gussa ayaa….lekin ismein mera kya kasoor tha…..jo saamne hoga vahi toh dikhegaa…………………………….tab se meri aankhon ke saamne bas beejee ke ch**tad aur ch**tadon mein phasssssi salwaar ki hi photo aatee rahee….
beejee naha dhokar aayee…aaj unhone ne kaale rang ka salwaar kameez pehna tha……unke gore badan pe kaalaa rang gazzzzab lag raha tha……vo salwaar kameez unhone pehlee baar pehna tha…
apna naashta beejee khud banati thee…..lunch aur dinner main banata tha…..jitni der vo naashta banati utni der main ghar ki safaee mein lagat hota tha…….
kareeb dupher ke 1 baje theh…kapde dhone ke baad main kitchen mein lunch ke liye sabjee bana raha tha……tab beejee kitchen mein aayeen…..
beejee : dharma, ki banaa reya hai aaj
main : beejee tussi dasso, vaise main teh dum aaloo banaane dee soch reya aan
bejee : haan, dum aaloo hi theek eh
main : beejee, tussi kahin bahar jaa rahe ho?
beejee : nahin teh…kyon ?
main : twade kapdaan noo dekh ke laga ke tussi bahar jaa rahe ho
beejee : kapdaan noo……oh..eh suit main pehlee vaar payaa eh….naya silwayaa eh
main : beejee, ek gal dasaan
beejee : kee ?
main : tussi is suit ich bahut sundar lag rahe ho……….eh kaala rang twaanu bahut soot kar rahaa hai
beejee : achchaa, teh tu eh hi dekh da rendaa eh ki mein kis suit ich kaisee lag rahee aan
main : nahin aisee gal nahin eh….
beejee : kaala suit main pehlee vaar silwaayaa eh…..
main : beejee iss suit di chunni kis rang di eh
beejee : safed rang di..
main : safed…..main-nu nahin lagdaa ki safed chunni iss kaale suit naal match kare..
beejee : main vi pehen ke nahin dekhee…….hune aandee aan
beejee apne kamre se chunni lene gayee……wapas kitchen mein aayee toh unhone chuuni pehenee hui see
beejee : le dekh……kaisee lagdee eh ?
main : nahin beejee….main-nu teh achchee nahin lagee……..isse toh aap bina chunni ke hi achche lag teh ho…
beejee : sach dus….agar main eh chunni paa ke apnee saheli de ghar javaan teh veh mera mazaak teh nahin karengi ?
main : mere khayaal teh karengi….
beejee : teh tu dus….kedi rang di chunni paavaan is suit naal ?
main : par twaanu chunni pehene ki lod (zaroorat) ki eh…
beejee : teh ki main ghar de bahar bagger chunni de jaavan…
main : aa ho…teh kya hua
beejee : tu pagal eh…shareef gharaan di auratein ghar do bahar chunni kar ke hi nikaldi enh
main : par kis waastey….
beejee : kis waastey!……….taki log unhaanoo buri nazraan naal naa dekhein
main : ki gal kar de ho beejee………..chunni de bagger log buri nazar naal kyon dekhaange ?
beejee ke chehre pe halki see muskaan thee jo vo chupaane ki koshish kar rahee thee
beejee : dharma…tu 18 saal da ho gayaa eh tenu eh vi nahin pata…
main : main-nu kaun dussegaa beejee…
beejee : tenu dis nahin raha ki agar main ne chunni nahin pehenee teh…….kis tarah dussaan tenu..
main : achchaa beejee, chunni da kaam ki hai..
beejee : chunni dhakkhan waastey ki jaandi eh…
main : dhakkhan waatse…ki dhakkhan waastey….choti see chunni aakhir ki dhak sak di eh..?..beejee tussi vi teh eh safed chunni paa rakhee eh…..ki dhak di payee eh yeh?…main-nu teh lagdaa nahin kuch vi dhak di payee oh…
beejee : teh le hun main chunni utaar di aan..
beejee ne chunni utaar di
beejee : le..hun dus..eh chunni pehle kuch dhak di nahin payee see
main : oh….beejee…main samajh gayaa….eh aurataan de unhaan noo dhak di eh…
beejee : ah ho…eh aurataan de unhaan noo dhak di eh
main : main taa kadi aurataan de dhakkhan wali cheez teh gaur hi nahin kitaa……hun main market jaate hue iss cheez teh gaur karaangaan..
beejee ne chunni utaar di thee
beejee : cheez…..kis cheez teh gaur karegaa ?
main : eh hi ki kis aurat ne dhaki hui eh aur kisne nahin……
beejee : tu zaroor maar khaaeygaa….
main : par beejee….aurataan noo oh dhakkahn di lod ki eh…..marad teh nahin dhak de
beejee : jo auraton da honda eh o maradon da naihin honda…
main : oh teh theek eh….par marad aurtaan de un pe buri nazar kyun dalenge ?
beejee thoda sa muskurate hue bolin
beejee : shayad maradaan noo o cheez achchee lagdee eh..
main : eh lo…es ich achcha lagne wala ki eh…
beejee : eh main-nu ki pataa………….tu eh dus ki kaunsi rang di chunni is suit naal match karegee…
main : beejee mere khayaal naal teh kaali rang di chunni hi is naalon match karegee…..
beejee : hmm…..shayad tu theek kendaa eh….kaali chunni teh mere paas hai vi…
main : beejee market ich jagah jagah rang aur pichkaariaan mil rahee hain…ki holi aane waali eh ?
beejee : aane waali ki eh….kal teh hai holi..
main : beejee tussi khelde o holi ?

beejee : pehle kheldi see……lekin iss shahar ich assi naye eh….teh khelen wala koi hai hi nahin…oopron tere saab vi nahin hain iss vaari..
main : beejee main-nu teh holi bahut pasand eh………par iss vaari lagdaa eh main vi nahin khel pavaangaa
beejee : kyun..tere dost nahin bane yahan par….main tenu kal di chutti de sakdi aan
main : ith-theh mera koi dost nahin eh………beejee tussi kheloge mere naal ?
beejee : main….!!….main-nu teh holi koi khaas pasand vi nahin eh….
main : theek eh….ik saal holi nahin kheli teh kaun see aafat aa jaayegee…..agle saal tak teh shayad dost ban jaayen
main-ne moonh latkaateh hue bola…..beejee se mera dukh dekha na gayaa
beejee : achcha theek eh….main thoda jaya khel levaangeen tere naal…..par eh gal tere saab noo pata nahin chalni chaahiye…o shayad bura manaa baithe
main thoda khush ho kar bola
main : nahin beejee saab noo eh gal pata kaise chalegee………..teh main market jaa ke thoda rang le aanvaa
beejee : hune nahin………khaana khaane de baad jaavin
bachpun mein mere kafi yaar dost ban gaye theh jo meri hi tarah sadkon pe rehteh theh…hum aapas mein khoob holi khele karte theh…bhaang bhi peeteh theh…
khaana khaane ke baad mein market se thoda gulaal, thoda pakkaa rang, gubbaare aur khud ke liye bhaang le aaya………………lekin ghar aakar main-ne beejee ko sirf gulaal aur gubbare hi dikhaaye..
beejee table pe khaana khaatee thee aur main farsh (floor) pe. jab saab hote theh toh main khaana kitchen mein khaata tha……lekin jab saab nahin hote theh toh main aur beejee tv dekhteh hue khaana khaate theh..beejee table pe aur main farsh pe……….khaana khaate hue beejee bolin
beejee : dharam, tenu dum aaloo banane hune aaye nahin……
main : kyun beejee, kee kamee see
beejee : dum aaloo di grevi kafi gaadi honee chaahiye….aur teri teh bilkul paani see
main : gaadi kaise kee jaandee hai ?
beejee : aglee vaar main banaavaangi dum aaloo teh dekhee..
main-ne haste hue kaha
main : haan….ho sakdaa hai twaade aaluon ich dum ho….
beejee : aur eh jeh tu kal aam laayaa eh….vilkul sookeh eh….iss ich teh zara vee rus nahin…..tenu aam dekhne nahin aandeh ?
main : beejee mere khayaal naal teh aam jitna badaa honda eh…us ich utnaa zyaada rus honda eh…aisa nahin hai kee?
beejee : zaroori nahin…….tu aam dabaa ke nahin dekhdaa..
main : nahin
beejee : agar aam asaani naal dab jaayen teh vo raseeleh hain…agar nahin teh unhaan ich rus nahin hai
main : theek hai beejee, ab se har vaar aam dabbbbaa ke dekhoonga..
beejee : aur tu kaatneh waleh aam kyun laayaa hai….chusan waleh kyun nahin layaa
main : kyun beejee, chuuusssan waleh aam koi alag honde hain
beejee : aur kee…chusan waleh aam ich rus zyaada honda eh….
main : beejee par mere khayaal teh chusan waleh aamaan da size thoda chota honda eh…..teh jin aamaan da size bada honda eh veh kattan waastey honde ehn..
beejee : chusan waleh aam chote teh nahin…….lekin inhen bade vee nahin honde ki kisi de haath ich hi na aayen…….chusan waleh aam haath ich asaani naal aa jaande ehn……………..
main : main teh kadi chusan waleh aam khaaye nahin……
beejee : chusan waleh aam hon teh ik aamon jee nahin bhardaa……..do aam teh khaane hi pendeh ehn…choosan pendeh ehn
mujhe nahin maaloom beejee ne kis meaning se kaha tha…lekin mujhe laga beejee aam ke baare mein nahin apne mammon (choochee) ke baare mein bol rahee hain..jo ki unki kaali kameez ich dabbe hain..
agleh din main subeh utht kar beejee de kamre ich chaa (tea) le gayaa teh meri nazar beejee de mammon teh padee teh main-nu beejee dee kal raat ki aam waali baat yaad aa gayeee……ki aam dabaa ke dekhne chahiyen………………………………….be ejee so rahee thee……….
main : beejee, chaa rakhee eh…
beejee : leh aaya chaa…
main : beejee main keyaa happy holi
beejee : o…..tenu vee
phir beejee bathroom se fresh ho kar aayeen

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